Myles

I was a sophomore in college and volunteered for an event where we play with special needs kids all day. It was a campus-wide event, and was always fairly large. This is where I met Myles. I immediately fell in love. He had soft curly hair and kept looking at me all day.

At the end of the day, we eventually started talking and I found out he was in law school, so a little older than I was. In his eyes though, it turned out that he was TOO old for me, at the very end of the day. But he at least feigned interest for awhile. We exchanged phone numbers and I was smitten. Of course I was, it doesn't take much for me to wet my panties. He shows up to a few things on campus that I'm involved in and even drove me home one evening. So I'm thinking, OF COURSE he likes me. Maybe he's just hesitant early on.

A few weeks after not hearing much from him I see him on campus. He at least recognizes me and I see him with another black girl. He says "Hey, how are you? How have you been?" I say, "Uh, good. I never heard from you about getting together this week." His response was, "Hey have I introduced you to my girlfriend?"

Heart. Stabbed. Loss of breath. Because I knew her and she was somewhat of a mentor to me.

"Um, no, oh ok. Hi. Nice to meet you."

Turns out, she was also in law school. He mentioned to me that he didn't think it would work, you know with the age difference. I said, no I didn't know that. And walked away. And each time I saw him after that was this awkward kind of "I'm not that fond of men right now" feeling.

Why am I telling this story now? Because I was a sophomore with loose feelings in college, thinking that every man that crossed my path wanted to be with me forever and ever. It's funny how we grow, how we evolve. How we learn and get over it all. I think the best feeling was seeing him and her a few years down the line in the campus bookstore, after I received both degrees. We awkwardly greeted each other and then said to him, "Oh hi, have you met my fiancé?"

The Junk

I have an obsession:

I look at junk. I can't help it. I fantasize about man junk. If I'm talking to a dude, sometimes, my eyes just drift downward. It's like a guy who looks at a girls tits when she's talking. I just look at junk through the pants and my mind wanders. I think, "Is it big? Is it chubby? Is it small and insignificant? Does it make him feel like a confident man or is he overcompensating?" I like to make up myths, like "If he's not that attractive, he must be bigger down there...I mean, he's gotta have something, right?" I look at some of my co-workers like this too. I just can't help it. I'm a junk fiend.

Wild Dreams

So one piece of information that will make this post make sense: I'm pregnant.

Since I've been pregnant, my dreams have been INSANE. Very detailed, makes me feel like I'm really there. One specific dream woke me out of my slumber to find myself using the sheets as a masturbatory tool. I was pregnant in this dream, and I knew I was. But I was on a cruise and I was packing a bag in my room when a guy walked in. This guy, Mike, was someone that was a student at the university I worked at after getting my Master's degree (this is not the dream). So there was only a 3 year age gap, but I worked there while he was still  a student. We developed somewhat of a flirtatious relationship, even though I was engaged to be married.

So he's in this dream and in real life I know he has a girlfriend, and I also knew this in the dream. He also knew I was married in the dream, but in this tiny cruise ship room, we start making out and screwing like 15 year olds discovering that their parents won't be home for a few hours. It was sweaty and hot and apparently hot enough to wake me up. It was one of those "DAMN, why did I wake up? Shit Shit Shit. It was that dream that makes you want to fall back asleep and see if you can pick up where you left off.

Unfortunately, I just went to take my 2nd piss of the night and the dream became a distant memory instead of something I could finish. Don't think I still don't think about it though.....

Maiden Voyage

If you've made it to my blog, welcome. The only thing I'd like to warn you about is that things may get a little raw sometimes. Maybe a little sticky. Maybe a little funny. Maybe I'll make you cry. I don't really know yet where this is going. All I know is that I needed a forum in which to express myself fully and honestly and this will be the place. You don't really need to know more about me, that's not an important detail.

So thanks for wanting to read all my random stories. We'll see what happens!