Thieves, I Tell You

Someone stole my calculator while I was away on a business trip last week. I'm a little peeved, considering the portion of this department that I run relies on me hand calculating GPA's. Here is the email I'd like to send:

Dear (INSERT COMPANY HERE),

 

I am the manager of (insert job title here), along with other duties. Part of managing this is knowing how to calculate GPA's by hand. The instrument that facilitates this process is called a calculator.

I used to own one last week, until I traveled for one of my services for 3 business days only to return to a calculator-less desk.

I'm not sure how you expect me to manage this without A CALCULATOR but its cool. Keep the damn calculator punk.

 

Faithfully yours in Christ,
Isabella

Face your Facebook

A girl came up to me today in the kitchen at work....while I was making my morning coffee....and says the following:
"Facebook suggested that I 'friend' you the other day. I have a personal policy that I DON'T friend people that I work with. However, I was looking at pictures of your daughter and she is SOOOO cute."

First of all, I couldn't give a rats ass if we were friends on Facebook. Know why? Because my profile is super duper private ANYWAY. Which further tells me that SECONDLY, you were stalking me. Because you can only see my profile through other people that we may be mutual friends with. Third, this also means that you must be friends with someone you work with because that's the ONLY way we know each other. Work. Please stop looking at pictures of my kid then, if you're so against work and Facebook intermingling in your life. I will not hesitate to call you a Chester if you keep it up.